I grew up in Philadelphia. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic School. At the beginning of 8th grade our teachers took us to confession. I wanted to be right with God and with my church so I decided to be honest and tell the priest I didn't go to church all summer. He got angry. My classmates heard him yelling at me. The lucky ones got out of his line and into another line. He told me to say the entire rosary for my penance. It takes a few hours to say the whole thing. I didn't know anyone who was ever told to say the all of it. I decided not to do it; I thought that if this is how God forgives, I would just go to hell.

  I When I was 32, my oldest daughter was in the second grade. She was going to make her first communion and confession. The priest wanted the parents to be good examples. He told us he expected us to go to confession that day also. My husband wasn't Catholic, so I had to do it. I knew if I didn't go, I shouldn’t make her do it either.

  I never read the Bible, I never heard the verse "your sins have separated you from your God," but I knew things weren’t right between God and me. I wanted peace with God, but I didn’t want a repeat of 1977, especially in front of my husband and my children. I made a private appointment with the priest. I was truthful and told him everything, actually too much. I even told him about that rosary I never said. He didn't get angry, he just listened. He said the "Catholic Prayer of Forgiveness" and said I was forgiven. I left feeling great.

  When I got home, I started thinking. How could he forgive 18 years of sin without me even saying one "Hail Mary", ( a Catholic prayer to Mary), when the priest in 8th grade wanted a whole rosary for one summer's worth of sin? A few days later I went back to the priest with my concerns. He said that he would say the "Prayer of Forgiveness" again for me and that I was forgiven.

  At this same time, my sister was getting involved with the Catholic Charismatics. She told me she was going to heaven for sure. She told me how to get there too, but I just didn’t understand her. She gave me a book written by a Catholic Charismatic. The first half justified Catholic beliefs like Mary worship and praying to saints. I kept reading; I wanted what my sister had. Somewhere around the middle of the book there was a chapter about Jesus. It had enough Bible in it that I realized I still had a problem with God, and it was worse than I had ever thought. In that moment, I realized that Jesus died because of my sin. I also, realized that the nuns in the Catholic school were wrong. They said that hell was separation from God, they never mentioned eternal torment, but Jesus did. For the first time in my life it mattered to me what Jesus said. When I pictured Jesus on that cross, I knew hell was much worse than I had been taught, and I knew I didn't want to go there.

  All my life, I had known, in my head, Jesus died for the sins of the world. In my Catholic school there were crucifixes everywhere, but His death never meant anything to me personally. The book my sister gave me showed me what David said in Psalm 51:4, "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned and done this evil in thy sight, It showed me that I was sinning against a God "who loved me and gave Himself for me", that I was "created by Him and for Him", but in 32 years I had never lived a single day for Him. He wasn't busy running the universe. He had seen it all. I was ashamed and terrified. I didn't know what to do, so I begged God to please not send me to hell, please save me. I had never heard the word 'save' used that way before, but that's what I wanted. I knew He heard me.

  I didn't have any Bible knowledge, so the only thing I knew to do to show God I loved Him and was thankful that He forgave me, was to be a better Catholic. I was at confession every Saturday and church every Sunday. I only knew I wasn't on my way to hell. I couldn't tell you I was sure of heaven. I didn't know I could be. My sister was given tickets to a play called Heaven's Gates Hell’s Flames. There had to be 200 people there. I had never heard anyone talk about Jesus the way that the evangelist talked about Him. I knew he was talking to me. I raised my hand because I wanted to be sure that I was on my way to heaven.

  A few weeks later, my husband was given a hand-me-down computer and for the first time we has access to the internet in our home.  At first, I was checking around Catholic sites.  I was trying to figure out what was happening to me. One night I found a letter entitled “Dear Catholic Friend” by John R. Rice. I wanted to read it, but I didn't want to damn my soul to hell by reading anti-Catholic material. I decided to chance it. He showed me that Catholicism did not agree with the Bible. At 2:00 in the morning I took the crucifix off our bedroom wall. The next morning I threw out all my "holy" medals, rosaries, and every Catholic thing I had collected over my ten years at Catholic School.

  I knew there had to be people out there somewhere who had had this same experience of being forgiven by God. I really couldn’t talk to my sister about finding a new church she thought I should stay Catholic. I went to one church, but they didn’t think I was really saved, because I didn't speak in tongues. I went to another church, but on the back of their tracts, they said their mission was to win souls for the Lord. At the time, that scared me, I wanted a church, but I didn’t want to give them my soul. I went to Bible Baptist Church and found that there were people there that Jesus had forgiven.

  I went back to the priest. I told him that I knew I was forgiven, and that it wasn't his prayer that did it. I told him I knew I was going to heaven and that I was joining a Baptist church. He wished me his best and did nothing to stop me. Ten months after I first cried out to God to save me from hell, I was baptized.

  As a Catholic I knew and believed that Jesus died for the sins of the world. I believed that his death made it possible for me to get to heaven because He had opened the gates of heaven that Adam and Eve’s sin had closed. But Catholics also believe that they have to get themselves to the gates with their good works, sacraments, and time in purgatory.

 Catholics believe that there are three possible places to go to after death. Heaven, only saints and Popes go directly there; Hell, for people like Hitler and those who refuse to do their penance like me; and purgatory, the place they believe, where almost every Catholic will go to be purged of their sins by suffering. Catholics believe that their time in purgatory can be shortened if loving family members donate money to the church in their memory. These are called indulgences or Mass cards. They believe that after you are purified in purgatory you will then go to heaven. I love Catholics and I am writing this letter to share the Truth with them. Catholics need to be shown that Jesus himself never mentions purgatory. Most of all they need to understand that Jesus loves them and died for each one of them personally. They need to be saved so that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide them into all truth and out of Catholicism. They need to know, that, unlike man and man-made religions; God delights in mercy and has compassion on sinners.

Karen D.